For this instance , I gave a good thought about what I should really do in my current life.
I just wish my life would freeze beside the one that I loved most , I know it's not realistic ,but this is what's truly on my mind. I could imagine my future life with you , I can proudly strike away "loneliness" because with you beside me , I will never be alone.

There were times where I will also collapse , there were also time where I will think thoroughly about life , about those differences , that comes along with me.
I wished life was abit more fair to me , but perhaps that could never happen.

One that I could give my life for , is the one I'll ve yearning for , till ever.

Life's a tought fight , I need to survive..

I'm "claimed" to live a long life , but a long life without all the ones that I've loved
It's going to be all meaningless.
I want to live to help people , I don't want to live a wasted life.

I just wants to be with you , although sometimes there might be disappointments
but I'll definitely love you like always.

It's sad , but I need to survive it.

i swore to got i had already given my best , but perhaps my best isn't enough at all.
the more i think , the more i think i sucked at everything.
i'm what they say , jack of all trades and masters of none.
the most i can do is just , spend my time crying like there's no tomorrow , let every hopes and dreams die on me. perhaps that would exchange for "me". these were the times when you felt empty and the world came crushing down on you , time and again.

if you force things to go your way , it will never go on smoothly.

May i know if there's a reason why i was being born?
Can anybody tell me? Can god that i believed tell me?
i seriously want to know why?
you see ; hitler was born to create war and kill loads of innocent people.
etc etc?
then me?
am i supposed create what i have for myself?
or i will need my friends , familys and others to help me climb up nurture me?
maybe a few more years down the road , i will have a better vision of what's ahead of me.

"if you stretch a rubberband too hard , it will eventually snap."
true or not?

maybe i was born weird.
i am born afraid of small tiny creatures like cockroach or lizards? a 18 year old man like me?
i always do my best to be gracious to everybody , no matter what age or religion , because i know by doing that i did my part of being a human being , try to give what i can possibly give. i hope that's right.
but i know if i do good , maybe good will go back to me , but i hope they would go back to my family or people around me more. that's what i prayed for. i can throw myself away , but will anybody pick me back from where i fell? i am not born to love furry animals like dogs or cats , but i'm being nurtured to love them now?whenever i see cats around my vicinity , i would just say hi to them , as if they're fellow human beings and i start to wonder if they will understand me? is that dumb? or what they call it?
i can be easy going , i can be fun , i can be anything you want me to be , i can die for you , i can live for you , but i can't be tortured , i will really die , what fears me most is when obstacles comes , i am dieing first , i might seems strong , but maybe my innerself is not strong at all. what i really need is ,peace in mind.
serenity , tranquil.

what i paid for my consequences always , the risk of losing my heart.

Time passes fast , in a blink of an eye.
10month had passed , it seriously feels like 10 days ago.
Things when well , because it had to.
We'll go on and on and on~

But just to say , disappointments come and go.
I'll just have to learn how to handle these disappointments and
Don't let small things affects us.
rejections is also part and parcel of everything that we have
To learn. For that , I'm still learning.
Differences in perspectives as well , not all thinks the same.
Let's give and take.

But I sincerely believe in giving all the best and all that I had
To my loved ones. Hence i will also demand more.

I don't like to force , but in the end maybe me myself would get tired of trying.
And it will eventually hurt myself more.

Nevertheless ,
Goodbye ~

too much feelings for me to write down , be it family , friends , or love.

in this period of time too much things have happened , been brought down too many times by the cruelty of life.my family had alot of problems , violence and stuffs like that. family problem is the main problem to every single thing i have , where is the life that i'd wish for? i hope for nothing , i only want peace in my life , take good care of my parents and live a very normal life. is it really very hard ?i think it is , i can even give up on myself just for those that i loved , i seriously will. i hope heaven hears my cries , i hope heaven hears my prayers , because i can't lose the one that i loved most in my life , the one that has gave birth to me , the one that brought me up well , the one that worked hard to let my tummy full everytime , the one who protected me from my violent brother and injured herself during the fight. my life is hard enough , heaven please don't give me any blows , i seriously can't take it. i can kneel down to pray everyday, i wished to cry infront of my god tell her what's wrong , tell her to save me , be my refuge and give my parents a better life.
i don't wanna see them suffer , let me exchange all the pain for them , let me be the one suffering , i'd be in joy if i can see my mum living happily. i'd rather go to the hades for her , i can do anything. just let her be safe , she gave me my life. it's right , to give her my life. please.

i know i might seems very normal , but so much things is bugging me till i can't even breathe. the impact to me is too great , too heavy for me.nevertheless , baby is there for me. i love you always okay , my heart will never change.

just when you feel like saying out your feelings , you realised , they had their own problems to share too.
so , i'll just keep it to myself...


i'm too devastated to write down anymore ,


.

In this letter to Corinthians st Paul always defined true love as always patient and kind; it is never jealous, boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish and does not take offence, and it is not resentful. Love is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

I will make it a point to do that always. I love you.

i'm just surprised by your attention span on something.
when you get too engrossed in other things , you forgottened the previous things and just skip it away.
is this how it should be?